Meet Thanh-Nhi (pronounced Tawny) Introduction: Share with us anything you would like us to know about you and your family! Hi! My name is Thanh-Nhi and I’m 34 with a husband named Andrew. We moved to Phoenix from Dallas, TX in May 2022, so we’re fairly new to the area. We have identical twin toddler boys named Alexander and Nicholas. How old are your multiples (twins, triplets, etc.)? Twins are 20 months old What part of the valley do you live in? West Valley - Peoria How long have you been a part of PVMOM? 2022 What do you like most about being in PVMOM? I’d love to meet other multiple mamas in the area and have relatable conversations and meaningful relationships. What do you feel is the most challenging part about having multiples? Having the energy to go through each milestone through their lives at the same time because they’re the same age. What do you feel is the most magical part about having multiples? Seeing the unconditional love and bond they have with each other. What is your favorite color? Orange What are your hobbies? I love cooking and exercising Share a fun fact! My husband and I look very young but are in fact older than many will assume. What is one tip you would like to share with other moms of multiples that helped you? Go with the flow and allow the kids to guide you into everyday life. It’ll get messy and never be perfect but that’s the whole point of life with multiples.
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 How Do Moms of Multiples Pack A Diaper Bag?Heather, Social Media  As an expecting mom or mom of newborns, a lot of things run through our heads. We are constantly making sure we have all our bases covered; items bought, clothes washed, bottles ready. We are doing it all before our little nugget even makes their debut. For moms of multiples, our to-do is pretty much the same, except those tasks involve double/triple/quadruple the number of items. Instead of doing one load of newborn clothes, chances are there will be several loads to wash, fold and put away. Instead of making sure to buy one highchair, you better make that two (or more). However, we’ll save buying baby items for another day. When it comes to diaper bag essentials, how do we figure out what we really need to pack in singles, doubles or more? There are some key essential items that may seem obvious but to a new mom, especially with multiples, we would like to help you out a little. Mom's brain, the changes in hormones, lack of sleep can sometimes work against us. The struggle is real sometimes and we are going to add the obvious and maybe some not so obvious. 😊 We consulted with some of our seasoned moms of multiples to help compile a list of diaper bag essentials!
As our littles get older or seasons change (luckily Phoenix only has two seasons), the contents in the diaper bag will also change. When they transition into eating solid foods, snacks are always helpful to have. Don’t forget about the potty training phase, diapers will turn into clean underwear and extra pants. Phoenix summers are at least 6 months long and the sun is always shining. Sunscreen and hats can find their way into the diaper bag essential. Your diaper bag essentials may be different depending on your routine, schedule and lifestyle. When my twins were born, I became a stay-at-home mom. I only used my diaper bag when running errands or other outings. Our working moms whose littles are in daycare/caregiver’s require more essential items regularly. Some circumstances do not require immediate attention. It would be easier for me to change my kid when I got home from the grocery store had they spit up a little. If they had a massive blow out, I surely wouldn’t wait until I got home to change them. If your babies are in daycare, you wouldn’t want them to sit in spit-up or poop all day therefore a change of clothes is necessary. Family and friends' advice can be helpful, but what you need may differ. Share your essentials in the comments to help an expecting or new mom. Share your toddler bag essentials for our upcoming post.
Meet AlyssaWe are introverted extroverts who love hosting friends and family whenever we can! We love to stay busy and are always open to trying new things. Our immediate family all lives in other states and it’s made us a very tight-knit family unit since we don’t have much support.
How old are your multiples (twins, triplets, etc.)? 4 months What part of the valley do you live in? Glendale How long have you been a part of PVMOM? Less than a year What do you like most about being in PVMOM? The community! What do you feel is the most challenging part about having multiples? Managing it all - never feel like we get a chance to catch our breath What do you feel is the most magical part about having multiples? Watching them explore this world together What is your favorite color? Blue What are your hobbies? Traveling, hiking What is your favorite song? Impossible to answer but if our 2.5yo was answering for me, she’d say Wheels on the Bus ;) Share a fun fact! Originally from Texas and moved to AZ 3 years ago What is one tip you would like to share with other moms of multiples that helped you? Find a way to laugh through it Meet Erin Dual working family with kindergartners and new baby brother
How old are your multiples (twins, triplets, etc.)? Twins 5 1/2 What part of the valley do you live in? Desert ridge- sky crossing How long have you been a part of PVMOM? Too long haha 6 yrs What do you like most about being in PVMOM? Our tribe. Moms who get it. What do you feel is the most challenging part about having multiples? Not enough hands or eyes on back of head What do you feel is the most magical part about having multiples? Watching their friendship flourish and going thru life together. What is your favorite color? Tiffany blue What are your hobbies? Exercise. Girls nights. Vacation. Spa dates and treating myself. What is your favorite song? Timber Share a fun fact! Tried out for Oscar Meyer wiener girl when I was little What is one tip you would like to share with other moms of multiples that helped you? Find your tribe and love them hard. Don’t compare to others Meet Michelle Michelle has been married to husband Luke for 8.5 years, twins Maggie and Lydia just turned 5, and baby brother Emmett is 11 months old. They have four dogs and love to be outside (when it’s not super hot). How old are your multiples (twins, triplets, etc.)? G/G Fraternal Twins 5 years Old What part of the valley do you live in? Tempe How long have you been a part of PVMOM? 4 years What do you like most about being in PVMOM? Community who understands exactly what I’m going through. What do you feel is the most challenging part about having multiples? Double the tantrums, double the meltdowns. What is your favorite color? Blue What are your hobbies? Singing, Biking, Bowling, Harry Potter What is your favorite song? High Hopes - Panic at the Disco Share a fun fact! My twins are 42 minutes apart. What is one tip you would like to share with other moms of multiples that helped you? Give yourself grace because this is hard work! You rock momma! Meet Laura I am Laura. My husband, Jason, and I are both from the Midwest. We have a 3 YO daughter and identical boys born April 2022.
How old are your multiples (twins, triplets, etc.)? 5 month old twin boys What part of the valley do you live in? South Scottsdale How long have you been a part of PVMOM? 1 year What do you like most about being in PVMOM? Meeting other moms of multiples and the swip swap What do you feel is the most challenging part about having multiples? Zero down time. You always have to be on. Also, it is so hard to find childcare since they are a lot to handle. What do you feel is the most magical part about having multiples? I will let you know someday hopefully. Ha What is your favorite color? Purple What are your hobbies? Own a gym so anything health and fitness Meet Caitlin I am from Oregon and my husband is from North Carolina. We met on Mill Ave of all places and have been married for almost 2 years this September. We have twin girls, Olive and Emry, and two dogs, Jameson and Mac! We love to find happy hours and travel with family - hopefully we can get back to that with the girls one day! How old are your multiples (twins, triplets, etc.)? Our twin girls are currently 2.5 months old! What part of the valley do you live in? North Phoenix/sky crossing How long have you been a part of PVMOM? 2-3 months What do you like most about being in PVMOM? The community and knowing I can ask for help or suggestions from other moms of multiples! It’s a bit different than singleton life! What do you feel is the most challenging part about having multiples? Giving your attention to more than one baby, and trying to feed them alone at the same time! Also, just getting out of the house in general! Hah What do you feel is the most magical part about having multiples? Seeing their bond and connection grow! Double the love and I know they will be able to play with each other and be best friends as they grow up. We might not have or be able to have more children so we are so happy we got two! What are your hobbies? Working out, traveling, watching bad reality tv on Bravo! What is your favorite song? Anything country Share a fun fact! I am the middle sister of three girls and we have a red head, blonde and brunette! What is one tip you would like to share with other moms of multiples that helped you? It is a special thing you get to experience that not many people do! You get two healthy babies and the hard parts are just a phase and will be over one day Meet Jennifer I am a stay-at-home mom of 4! How old are your multiples (twins, triplets, etc.)? 8 years old What part of the valley do you live in? Scottsdale How long have you been a part of PVMOM? 8 years What do you like most about being in PVMOM? Feeling of community What do you feel is the most challenging part about having multiples? When they were younger, it was challenging to meet everyone’s needs at the same time. As they get older, they have their own interests, friends, and activities which makes it challenging to get everyone where they need to go during the week. What do you feel is the most magical part about having multiples? Their bond! My boy/girl twins are much closer to each other than my older daughters who are 3 years apart. What is your favorite color? Green What are your hobbies? Walking, reading, volunteering What is your favorite song? There are too many to name! Share a fun fact! My mom is a twin! What is one tip you would like to share with other moms of multiples that helped you? There are lots of opinions on how to raise twins - don’t overthink it and do what is best for your family!   by Erin Sweeten
It’s our 35th anniversary this year! That is three and a half decades of moms of multiples supporting each other. Some of us were not even born yet (and I was in fourth grade) when Judi Sonnier Morgan Castete organized some acquaintances into an official group in 1984. Think of all the friendship, advice, reassurance, and just showing up for each other that has happened through the years because of PVMOM. This group’s positive impact stretches through generations, visible in the stories we tell about problems handled, families made happier, and strong friendships formed. This month on the blog, we go back to the beginning. President Beth Gervitz connected me with our founder, the indomitable Judi Castete, and she filled us in on all the details. When and why did you start a moms of multiples group? Judi: We started PVMOM in 1984, with a group of moms that met while shopping with our twins at Paradise Valley Mall. What was the original name of the group, and how did it change over time? Judi: Our original name was Paradise Valley Moms of Twins, and then it changed to Paradise Valley Moms of Multiples. It was not named after the city of Paradise Valley-- the shopping center where a lot of us had met was Paradise Valley Mall. How did you know how to start a mom’s club? Judi: Before I moved to Phoenix/Scottsdale, I had started a mom’s group in San Diego. I had a 14-month-old son, and didn’t know anyone there. So I put an ad in the Penny Saver to find other moms with little ones who were interested in forming a playgroup. I literally got about 50 ladies!!! We divided the list into age groups and formed many playgroups and a babysitting co-op. Then, when I was pregnant with my twins, I bumped into another mom with twins. She took one look at me, asked me if I was having twins, and brought me into her Moms of Twins Group. The rest is history. When I moved to Phoenix/Scottsdale in December of 1983, I was trying to find another Moms of Twins Club. I went to the Glendale club meeting once-- it was so far for us (and shhh… it wasn’t very friendly!) so I contacted the Mothers of Twins headquarters and asked them how to go about starting a new club. The ladies from the Mesa club came up to my house and met with the mothers I had met and got us started. How did members communicate with each other? Judi: We communicated by phone. There was a newsletter. It was monthly and I typed it out, made copies at office supply store and mailed them out. How long were you an active club member? Judi: I left Phoenix/Scottsdale in 1991. By then I was no longer an active member in the club-- I was president of the Laguna Elementary PTA. I’ve only kept in touch with one other founding member. It’s been fun to share the beginnings of the club with you! Thank you, Judi, for being the first to bring the MoMs of our area together. Your skill at creating organizations that are built to last has made an enormous positive impact on families in the Phoenix area. In 35 years, the club has grown to over 200 members that live all over the valley, from Chandler to Peoria. They connect via playgroups, Mom's nights out, book clubs, family gatherings, workshops, and a busy Facebook group (plus many sub-groups based on birth year, location, and special interests). We don't use printed newsletters or classified ads any longer, but the original spirit of community support survives.  by Erin Sweeten Raising multiples. It’s tough, right? You, mom*, are making most of the day to day decisions about discipline, activities, spiritual teaching, routines, eating, and so on. Even a relatively involved spouse can let these continual parenting choices pass by unnoticed. That is, until you make a decision he* disagrees with. Or until he notices something about the kids that concerns him. Then you might hear stuff like this:
“He’s four. Why can’t he stay in his seat?” “I don’t want my kid to be labeled. Don’t get her tested.” “Why did you spend so much on registration fees?” “You need to teach them to share.” “Why are you researching all these schools? I want them to go to my alma mater.” “You’re too easy on them.” “You’re too hard on them.” Cue the argument. Maybe he had his chance to give input three weeks ago and he shrugged and said, “Whatever is cheapest.” Or perhaps you are particularly tired and can’t believe he’s nitpicking instead of stepping in to help. Or you thought you had agreed upon a discipline strategy, and then in the heat of the moment, your husband reverted to the way he was raised. Sometimes you wonder if it wouldn’t be easier to raise the children by yourself. How can parents get on the same page about the kids, and stay there? I don’t have the answers, but I can share some of the strategies that have helped me and my husband of 21 years. We do our best to prevent these situations, though they still happen sometimes. Before the Twins Were Born: Time Negotiations We negotiated about what would need to be done when the babies came, and how we could support each other. We talked about work schedules, babysitter budgets, me time, night wakings, chores, you name it. These agreements didn’t always pan out in real life, but we at least started out with shared expectations and adjusted as needed. When the Twins Were Babies: Sharing Expertise We went through a season when I thought my spouse wasn’t doing his share. My husband felt that I knew every baby-related detail, and it was easier to let me deal with the babies. So, armed with masking tape, I labeled every drawer, shelf, cupboard and closet. I posted the recipe for the formula. I posted the daily schedule. I made a list of where to find extra wipes, diapers, formula, etc if we ran out while he was on duty. Our house looked like a pharmacy, with instructions and labels posted everywhere, but it did empower my husband to take charge with confidence. It was a major positive change for us. I reminded myself to let him do things his way, without comment, since the babies were safe and happy. When the Twins Were Toddlers: Communicating Well This was probably our hardest stage. He withdrew more from family life now that the boys didn’t need so much.My depression led me to interpret every interaction as a sign of doom. I loved and enjoyed my boys, but wanted more time to remember who I was apart from them. In the end, we had to do three things: 1. Renegotiate the budget and our schedules to free up childcare money. 2. Get deliberate about our relationship. That’s when we started scheduling dates and, yes, sex. 3. Get my depression addressed. Through all the hard conversations, being able to listen to each other, and to communicate our perspectives gently, made it possible to get back to feeling like a team. I went alone to counseling, and it definitely helped with communicating through conflict. When the Twins Were Preschool Aged: Weekly Discussions At this phase of life, we had to figure out our shared parenting values. It wasn’t just taking care of basic needs anymore; it was shaping and directing our children. It was a fairly easy process, since our approaches were more or less aligned. In areas where we disagreed, we sought out expert opinion. We would talk about stuff maybe once a week. Basically the way it worked is I would give him a rundown of the current status of the kids-- triumphs, struggles, worries, then we would prioritize what we wanted to focus on-- meltdowns for this child, enough attention for that one. My husband was rarely surprised by a child’s behavior, because he was in the loop. Dealing with Larger Issues: Divide and Conquer Now that our kids are school-aged, we continue our weekly What’s Up With The Kids sessions. Occasionally, serious issues come up. These cases usually require a multi-pronged strategy, including one or more outside professionals. I really don’t want to handle it by myself. Why? Because the consequences of any decision could be serious, expensive, or labor-intensive and I don’t want to carry that alone. So we tend to divide and conquer on the research, then I make the initial appointments and report back. Then we map out a strategy and negotiate who will do what to make it all happen. I tend to do more of the driving around and phone calling and paperwork; he tends to do more of the one-on-one stuff that can be done at home with the kids. You Can Do It If you are out of practice at deciding kid stuff with your spouse, start small! Pick one area of parenting-- maybe bedtime or manners, and work on that together. Then branch out. Maybe you’re thinking, “It’s easy for you to say. My spouse will never bend on anything.” Or you have such different ideas about discipline that it is a constant battle. If your parenting problems feel impossible to get past, get the help of a knowledgeable third party. Go to counseling by yourself if your spouse won’t go. It is such a relief to have an objective voice affirm you and advise you. Be courageous and take that step forward. The kids will be alright. *If your family works differently, I don’t want to leave you out! Substitute pronouns and titles as needed. |
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