You Know you're a Mom of Multiple Toddlers if...

By Erin Sweeten

• You find yourself at 10 p.m. sniffing a pile of board books to make sure they don't smell like poop.
  
• Your home security rivals Fort Knox —every drawer, cupboard, doorknob, doorway, and electronic appliance has some kind of lock or fence.
  
• Someone in your family is crying because he pinched his own bottom with a binder clip.
  
• You’ve broken up so many epic fights over the Cozy Coupe that you give your kids WWE-style nicknames like The Crusher and Banshee Baby.
  
• You had to turn off the breaker because someone filled an outlet with toothpaste.

• People in your family argue about whose nose it is. "Not yours! It's mine!"
• You find yourself saying, "Where did this booger come from? Who gave me this booger?"
• You have stood chatting with another adult while locked in a silent battle with your children, one of whom is trying to fish around in your shirt for your boob as the other attempts to climb up your legs under your skirt.
• One twin is crying because the other one looked out his car window.
• You turn your back on an opened stick of butter and when you turn back, it has bite marks, one per kid.

• Giving a kid the wrong cup color is a betrayal that causes her to question the whole relationship. She is sure you love her sister more.
• You have to wash all the cookie sheets because the kids got the bright idea to take off their diapers and sit on them to see if they were fun to ride.
• During daylight hours, you only visit stores that have double car carts or drive-thrus.
  
• You say, “Gimme a kiss,” and you get an open-mouthed lick somewhere on your face or neck.
• Someone keeps putting a plastic saw in the silverware drawer, despite the drawer lock.

• You have developed a point-scoring system with your spouse for how quickly you can sprint to the bathroom with a vomiting child during flu season.
• You set out paper, brushes and paint, but everybody ends up with blank paper and blue foreheads.
• You have been awakened at 3a.m. by someone poking you repeatedly in the face and whispering, “Eye… nose…. ear…. mouth…” while another toddler shouts from the bedroom, “MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MORNIN’, MOM!”
• You put your child down for a nap and he is immediately quiet. Not because he is asleep, but because he has cut a hole in his fitted sheet and climbed inside to hide. He defeated the drawer lock and snuck the scissors into the room while you were trying to get another one to go to sleep.

• You let your family open their own fortune cookies and somebody accidentally eats his fortune.
• You own more potty seats than actual dining seats.
• You ask the store employee to cut the tags off of new flip flops at the checkout counter because the floor around the cart is already littered with shoes and socks and the children are about to die from Old Shoe Syndrome.
• You laugh and cry more than you’ve done since your own toddler days.